*This article is a satirical work published for entertainment purposes in our school newspaper. While it references real platforms and trends, all events, quotes, and curriculum changes are entirely fictional. No actual revolutions, teachers, or TikTok accounts were harmed—or approved—during the making of this story.
MADISON, Ind. — With TikTok continuing to dominate the attention spans of America’s youth, Madison Consolidated High School history teacher Mr. Whitaker has officially removed the American Revolution unit from his curriculum and replaced it with a mandatory course on TikTok dance reenactments.
Dances such as the “Renegade,” “Savage,” “Say So” and “Supalonely” will now be deeply studied and analyzed by every MCHS student, as the class is a graduation requirement.
“We’re not just moving our bodies,” Whitaker said. “We’re moving education into the 21st century—one awkward hallway video at a time.”
Students will research the mechanics and cultural significance of a new dance every two weeks. Each unit ends with two assessments: a written test on the dance’s origin, creator, and choreography, and a performance exam where students must execute the dance and are graded based on effort, audience reaction, and—most critically—how the video performs on TikTok.
Grading breakdowns are as follows:
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A+ – 25,000+ interactions
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B+ – 5,000–24,999 interactions
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C+ – 1,000–4,999 interactions
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D+ – 100–999 interactions
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F – Less than 50 interactions (even with trending audio)
Students who receive 1 million or more total interactions on any single dance assignment at any point during the school year will receive an automatic pass for the course.
“It’s about engagement,” Whitaker explained while adjusting his ring light. “Kids don’t care about what happened 250 years ago. They care about getting the choreography right before third period and making sure their transitions are clean.”
Whitaker added that this shift is aimed at improving student attention spans, work ethic, and morale. “Why force them to learn about Lexington and Concord when they could be duetting a dance with someone from Lithuania?”
Asked about the impact on historical literacy, Whitaker dismissed the concern. “Who needs to know who we are, where we came from, or what we did—when we can just make TikToks?”
When pressed for clarification on whether any historical content would remain in the course, Whitaker noted that “technically, Charli D’Amelio is history.”
As for the classroom environment, students are reportedly thriving under the new system, though hallway traffic has slowed significantly due to frequent attempts at the “Griddy.”
School officials declined to comment, citing an ongoing internal investigation into whether the War of 1812 can be interpreted through the “Cha Cha Slide.”
