*This article is a work of satire created for entertainment purposes in our school newspaper. While inspired by real people and settings, all events, quotes, and scenarios are fictional and meant to be humorous. No actual NFL scouts were harmed in the making of this story.
MADISON, Ind. — In a shocking turn of events that has left both educational and professional football communities deeply confused, local high school science teacher Ferry has officially declared for the NFL Draft.
Ferry, who has spent the last decade explaining photosynthesis to 14-year-olds, apparently spent his evenings secretly training for the NFL Combine. Last weekend, he quietly appeared in Indianapolis and posted eye-popping numbers typically reserved for genetically engineered super-athletes.
“I’ve been working on the gridiron again for the past few years,” Ferry said, while casually deadlifting a Smart Board. “It’s finally time to go pro.”
Despite not having played organized football since “a really intense flag football game in 2011,” Ferry stunned scouts with a 4.65-second 40-yard dash, 35 bench press reps, a 10-foot-6 broad jump, and a vertical leap that cleared most regional fences. His performance immediately launched him into top-10 pick territory, with the Carolina Panthers calling him “a must-pick” and “basically the next Derrick Henry if Derrick Henry also taught AP Bio.”
Ferry’s meteoric rise was fueled in part by his TikTok account, @ferry_tothecirb, where he shares highlights of explosive workouts, awkward touchdown dances, and highly specific protein shake recipes. The account has amassed 670,000 followers, 400,000 on Instagram, and a NIL valuation of $2.5 million—more than the GDP of several small nations and at least three other gym teachers in his district.
Despite his sudden fame, Ferry remains humble, attributing his success to “raw determination, creatine, and students who dared me to go for it.”
His philanthropic efforts have only boosted his legend. Ferry has donated a portion of his NIL earnings to cancer research, particularly St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. CEO James R. Downing praised Ferry’s generosity, calling him “the first NFL prospect to bring a donation check and a dissected frog to a charity gala.”
Still, Ferry is keeping his cleats grounded.
“My goal for my rookie season is 1,000 rushing yards, 15 touchdowns, and a solid work-life balance,” Ferry said. “I don’t care what team drafts me, as long as the O-line can open up a hole wide enough for me to sneak through unnoticed like I do when I try to leave staff meetings early.”
Asked if he plans to continue teaching, Ferry replied, “Only if the league lets me Zoom in on Tuesdays. Otherwise, I’ll just run the offense and the after-school STEM club.”
As his draft stock continues to rise, Ferry serves as living proof that you can still chase your dreams—even if your last touchdown came during a middle school field day.
